Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
