I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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