how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
