what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
