I feel like abortions should bother me more
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
