sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
