he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
