Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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