I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
