I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
