I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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