Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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