if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
