My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
