I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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