I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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