just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Enjoy the penises
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
