I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think my fart just growled at me.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
