did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You pole danced in your parka.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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