Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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