I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
