what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
