I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
