I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
