my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
