I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
