This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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