you would pick up someone in the library
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think i got beer on your cat.
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