you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
