connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
