imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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