i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
