Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
