Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
