Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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