Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
