I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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