it hurts more in the daytime
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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