I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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