drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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