I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
