i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
