Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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