apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
