Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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