So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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