Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
