I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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