my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
