I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
