Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
