Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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