i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
