just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
