Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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