come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
