I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
